The Sad Reality of Reality

The American actress Tara Reid.

Image via Wikipedia

What a week this has been.  I write an article about how addicted I am to breaking news, and then I find out that it is was all just a dream.  The Balloon Boy saga just gets more and more bizarre.  This morning, the Internets was all a flutter at the possibility that Kanye West (His New Book –  Through the Wire: Lyrics & Illuminations – Drops Nov 10th) was on his way to the pearly gates.  Please allow me one more Kanye West joke.  This one is mine, feel free to pass it on.

Kanye West arrives at at the pearly gates.

Saint Peter:  “Kanye West, I want to welcome you to…”

Kanye West, interrupting:  “Saint Peter, I’ma let you finish, but the New Orleans Saints are the best saints of all!”

Ba, Da, Bing!!!

This reality television thing has finally gone too far.  Families today invent wild tales and schemes trying to land one of these shows.  I might as well get in on the riches.  Are there any smart, dashing, handsome, beautiful, hip to the lingo TV producers reading this?  I’ve got some great pitches for you.  Such as:

  • Woman has 48 children, lives in a shoe, and has no idea what to do…tonight on Octomom Times Six.
  • Watch a very special episode of Jon and Kate Plus Eight Million Dollars in Legal and Psychiatry Bills…Jon begins a touching new relationship with Tara Reid.  Meanwhile Kate takes yet another island vacation and pretends to parent all those damn kids.
  • Fire and the Ice…two different worlds collide as the unlikely duo of Kirk Cameron and Vanilla Ice set out to change the world.
  • Real World XMCIIL – Follow the cast from MTV after they run the last Gauntlet, avoid drug dealers, cops, pimps, crappy gigs in bars, and try to figure out just where things went wrong.  Again.
  • Senne Unleashed – Follow Kevin as he navigates the choppy water of parenthood (bonus points for those of you who stick it out during the kids “don’t touch me” phase), tries to welcome a neighborhood cat into the family (even though the family’s 15-year old terrier – not to be confused with terror – who is resistant from the first meow), and deals with life’s inevitable ups and downs (really, how many times can the washing machine break before the warranty provides for a new one?!). 

I’m sure there’s a hit with one of these ideas.  If they don’t work, I have one more trick to pull out of the hat.  This fall on ABC:  The Real Stories of Desperate C.S.I Families of Colorado


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