How Does Jay Leno Suck – Let Us Count The Ways 9

I just read confirmation of some disturbing news.  NBC has decided to move Jay Leno back to his original time slot.  This is wrong in so many ways.  My wife and I have been talking about this for the last few weeks, and I want to share some of our conversations and thoughts.  First, here’s the latest news from CNN:

The network is now negotiating with Leno and its current late-night hosts, Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Fallon, to decide who ends up with which time slot, Gaspin said.

The goal is to keep all three hosts, but nothing was a done deal as of Sunday, he said.

O’Brien took over NBC’s flagship “Tonight Show” when Leno moved to the 10 p.m. slot in September. Fallon took over O’Brien’s former show, “Late Night.” Gaspin said the new plan is for Leno to take over a shortened “Tonight Show,” with O’Brien moving back to “Late Night” at midnight and Fallon hosting a new show at 1 a.m.

Are you kidding me?  This is the plan after just a few months?  Let’s break this down Zapruder style:

  • Home Court Advantage –  Leno somehow inherited the Johnny Carson show.  It wasn’t The Tonight Show after 25 years of Johnny.  People watched “CARSON” at night; they didn’t watch The Tonight Show.  Johnny became a habit for people.  When Leno started, people just kept doing what they were doing.  Couple this with the fact that there was never any kind of programming to go against the show.  Unless you want to count Arsenio Hall…Whoop, Whoop.
  • Leno Isn’t Funny – Leno has never been funny.  He tries to come across as this clean cut guy, who is offended by anything remotely blue.  Of course, he is constantly making weird and uncomfortable sexual references.  Who wants to hear some creepy old man making penis jokes?
  • Kevin Eubanks Sucks – Anytime Jay talks to this guy, his show just grinds to even more of a halt.  The next time “Kev” says something funny, it will be the first.
  • The Jay Leno Show Is Fake – Do you really think the sight of Jay Leno makes people want to stream toward him like he is one of The Beatles?
  • Ponder This – Leno is doing the same show today, but he conducts interviews alongside his guest in a comfy chair, instead of behind a desk.  Critics and people talk about how unfunny, stale, and lame the show is today.  It’s the SAME show.  Leno sucks.
  • Leno Never Had An Original Idea – Just about every successful bit Leno has ever had was stolen from The Howard Stern Show.  Documented.
  • Conan O’Brien Is Funny – Conan is more in touch with society and what’s funny.  You have to give him a chance to establish himself.  Letterman has been there for 20 years, and it was natural for people to go to the other person they know.
  • Letterman Will Be Gone – Letterman doesn’t have many years left on the air.  I think you can look at him and see that the recent scandal has worn him out.  In a couple of years, Dave will be checking out.  Conan would be there to take over the time slot.
  • NBC is a Freaking Joke – NBC has been circling the drain for years.  They have one funny show (30 Rock) that nobody watches.  They have made awful decision after awful decision.  They have been sold, and I believe they will be out of the network business as we know it in less than 5 years.
  • You Just Don’t Treat People Like This – Networks don’t have talent with many years of service.  Celebrities come and go with shows.  Most good shows today have about a 4-6 year shelf life.  The days of Tom Brokaw, Peter Jennings, and Dan Rather are gone.  These late night guys are it.  NBC moved Conan and his entire staff from NYC to LA.  They don’t get 6 months and it is over?  That’s how you treat a 20-year employee.  I guess that’s how corporations work.  It’s also why we hate them.

My Predictions For The Future:

  • Leno will pull prove to be an EPIC FAIL.  Ratings will fall like Rod Blagojevich.
  • Conan will go to Fox, and after Letterman’s retirement, rule late night.
  • Leno will decide, if he is caught having affairs with his staff, it might improve ratings.  He’ll fail when he can’t pull off those lines either.
  • NBC will announce that Jay Leno is moving to a daytime slot to lead in for the evening news.  Jimmy Fallon will be taking over the “legacy” of the Tonight Show.

The NBC boycott is on in our house.

I hope celebrities do the same.  It’s a crappy way to be treated, and it deserves to be punished.  It’s not like they will ever have a successful show on NBC anyway…


F – Jay Leno

F – Kevin Eubanks

Go Conan!


Go Masturbating Bear!

Go Triumph the Wonder Dog!


9 thoughts on “How Does Jay Leno Suck – Let Us Count The Ways

  1. Reply Daniel Jan 16,2010 4:55 pm

    What about the puppies dressed as cats??? what will come of them!?

  2. Reply Bee Jan 24,2010 10:34 pm

    you are so right! everything you said i completely agree with, especially the part about everything jay says being a knock-off; he even took ideas from conan’s show, until conan left. 🙁 i, for one, am NOT going to even go near jay leno’s tonight show. conan forever!

  3. Reply Fat Pat Jan 29,2010 3:29 pm

    Leno SUCKS!!! There are only two reasons I would watch Leno, thanks to Bill Hick, I WOULD watch to see Jay Leno a** raped by satan, or the inevitable on air suicide where his brains splatter on the wall behind him forming the NBC peacock logo! I too will boycott NBC.This whole escapade proves to me that Conan has class and Leno has no dignity.

  4. Reply vtech Feb 10,2010 10:46 pm

    Conan O’Brien is crass and not funny. The masturbating bear and Triumph the wonder dog. I rest my case.

  5. Reply Kevin Senne Feb 11,2010 9:33 pm

    Two of my favorite Conan Bits. I guess I enjoy crass, but that’s what makes the world go around.

  6. Reply djaldd420 Feb 18,2010 1:37 am

    Conan is not funny if you are a stroppy old crust-bag who’s offended by the mere thought of a dick joke. The funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, still to this day, is Conan’s ‘Mother Teresa trashing her hotel room’. The man is the definition of hilarity. Go Conan! Suck it, Jay! Boycott NBC! BALLS!!

  7. Reply Valentine35 May 3,2010 2:08 pm

    I agree Leno Sucks! Conan is so much funnier but ya know what else sucks…FOX! how many awesome shows have they canceled over the years….here i’ll just throw one shows name out there that they cancelled to sum up why FOX sucks…Firefly! nuff said, Leno sucks Fox sucks Conan Rules!

  8. Reply Revi May 28,2011 9:27 pm

    It’s not just f-tard Leno that’s inferior in every way possible, it’s his f-ing late night rivals as well. Just look at those inane guy’s: Leno, Letterman, O’Brien, Lopez, Fallon, Kimmel, etc., their physical appearance alone matches their simple-minded personalities and stage routines. Short, fat (Leno), obnoxious, homely, narcissistic, offensive, cretinous, aging twerps who’s idea of so-called comedy contributes to the immense tastelessness and sheer stupidity that network and cable television abundantly spoon feed today’s questionable television audience.

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