There is a scourge taking over the land of Facebook that must be stopped.  If we band together, we can stop this annoying poster once and for all.  I call this phenomenon the “Underposter” and I am 100% certain that anyone who has more than 2 friends on Facebook has encountered it.

What is The Underposter?  S/he is someone who pops onto Facebook and posts something that has zero context.  The statement only leads to more questions.  The Underposter sometimes gives you the impression that s/he may be in great danger.  Or, The Underposter might imply that something great is or, might be, happening.  The point is that their posts simply suck life time from the rest of us.  Almost as bad as the Underposter are the people that actually reply.  I understand that most of these replies come out of genuine concern; however, I rarely see them answered with the same respect.

Some Examples of Underposting:

• I can’t believe this
• <Insert Name> doesn’t know what I am going to do next
• Things just got crazy
• Lots of things on my mind
• <Insert Name> is wondering what else could happen
• What to do now???

You’ve all seen The Underposter before; you know what I’m talking about.  While I’m certainly not a fan of  The Underposter, I’m really not a fan of what  I call The Underpost First Responder.  People just can’t seem to resist commenting.  You won’t get any kind of response back from The Underposter, but the responses just keep coming.

Underpost First Responders

• I hope everything is ok
• I will keep you in my prayers
• This kind of news is so disturbing
• OMG, please tell me what’s wrong
• I am here for you

These reactions are all wonderful human reactions, but they are WASTED.  The Underposter doesn’t want to actually share anything with you, receive any assistance, or pass along any information.  Below are my theories on what The Underposter wants.  Because s/he does want something.  If  The Underposter didn’t, s/he wouldn’t be posting to a site dedicated to sharing with friends.

Reasons for The Underpost

• Cry for Attention – These are people who constantly need ego stroking.  They must gain some kind of pleasure by watching people try to extract information.
• Sick Bastards – This is always a possibility.  This happens when people have information they know others want.
• Laziness – I suppose some people just run out of gas before they can finish their posts.  They don’t mean to be Underposters.

Can you imagine this in real life?  Walking up to someone and saying, “This is the worst day ever,” and then walking off.  If someone did that to you, they wouldn’t walk off; that’s for sure.

We can stop The Underposter.  Don’t enable this type of behavior.  Don’t respond to the posts.  If an Underposter posts in the woods, and there’s nobody to respond, will they still underpost?  If you must respond, I suggest you make fun of the post.  Maybe something like this:

Underposter: At a complete loss

UFR (Underpost First Responder): Knick knack paddywhack, give a dog a bone

I suspect that would take care of it.

Of course, there is one more reason for The Underpost that we should all be aware of:  The CRY FOR HELP.  It’s possible someone has chosen Facebook as a last gasp attempt to reach out.  In that case, I say we remember the words of the great philosopher Suzanne Vega.

My name is luca
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes i think you’ve seen me before
If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight

Just don’t ask me what it was (3x)

I think it’s ’cause i’m clumsy
I try not to talk too loud
Maybe it’s because i’m crazy
I try not to act too proud
They only hit until you cry
And after that you don’t ask why

You just don’t argue anymore (3x)

Yes i think i’m okay
I walked into the door again
If you ask that’s what i’ll say
And it’s not your business anyway
I guess i’d like to be alone
With nothing broken, nothing thrown

Just don’t ask me how i am (3x)

My name is luca
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes i think you’ve seen me before
If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight

Just don’t ask me what it was(3x)

They only hit until you cry
And after that you don’t ask why

You just don’t argue anymore (3x)

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